Top and Bottom Five of 2018

Published by Rick on Tagged Uncategorized

Another year, another list. And as has been the case, I listen less and less to what the kids are listening to, so I tend to miss quite a bit. But since nearly half of any given week’s charts, except maybe at Christmas time, are dominated by interchangeable females or half-asleep Drake wannabe’s, it should be easy to find a bottom five, maybe a bottom 500. Even the bad ones didn’t necessarily stand out as bad, nor were there many tunes that swept me off my feet. Still I was able to remember these as representing the best and worst of times, maybe I’ll look at this list later and change my mind, but for now:

BOTTOM FIVE

5. Baby Shark – Pinkfong (Peak position #27 UK, — US)  Usually, I leave novelty kids’ tunes alone, as they’re relatively harmless, but when that obnoxious refrain stays in your head the rest of the day, as it’s doing right now, I have to acknowledge its annoyance factor.

4. Never Be The Same – Camila Cabello (#7 UK, #6 US)  Her debut solo single, “Havana,” still holds up as a cool single and one of my favourites from 2017, but this followup, which goes along fine for the first half verse, is then spoiled by her attempt to channel Minnie Mouse vocally. Very difficult listen.

3. Lost Without You – Friya Ridings (#9 UK, — US) There were many times when I hosted open mikes back in my last few years living in San Francisco, and it seemed like on every bill, there would be some serious singer/songwriter whose song said to everyone “Be quiet while I get melancholy here.” Friya rang my nostalgia chimes, and not in a good way. And clear your freakin’ throat, lady!

2. I Like It – Cardi B feat. Bad Bunny and J Balvin (#8 UK, #1 US) This year Cardi B became the go-to guest vocalist, apparently because there was nothing awful enough for Sean Paul to guest on. She was on hits by Maroon 5 and Bruno Mars doing the same malarkey that put her debut track “Bodak Yellow” on the bottom of my 2017 worsts. This one also incorporated the Spanish element left over from Despacito, in case it wasn’t already clichéd enough. 

1. I Love It – Kanye West and Lil Pump feat. Adele Givens (#3 UK, #6 US) Maybe it was Kanye’s idiotic statement about slavery being a choice. Or maybe it was his totally insane endorsements of Donald Trump. Or just maybe this was simply a godawful record! When 2 Live Crew did their nasties 25 years ago, there was a sense of humour thrown into the shock value. Adele Givens is a US comedienne, but nothing she said here added any humour or irony. On the radio, there was a clean version, so “I’m a sick fuck, I like my dick sucked” became “I’m a sick pup, I like a quick jump.” Minor concession, but I seriously doubt Trump heard either version. All he cared about were endorsements.

TOP FIVE

5. Jackie Chan – Tiesto and Dzeko feat. Preme and Post Malone (#5 UK, #52 US) Maybe that non sequitur chorus “I just ordered sushi from Japan, now your bitch wanna kick it Jackie Chan” makes sense to somebody. It just sounded funny to me whenever I heard it.

4. Girlfriend – Christine & The Queens (#85 UK, — US) I was hearing this one on the radio over the summer, and marvelled at the great re-interpretation of early 80’s Soul, very reminiscent of “Forget Me Nots” by Patrice Rushen among others. Not bad for a French woman born Heloise Letissier, who, like Florence & The Machine and Marina & The Diamonds is a solo act under a group name. Sorry it didn’t break through on a wider scale.

3. Solo – Clean Bandit feat. Demi Lovato (#1 UK, #58 US) “I wanna fwoop woop woop cause I’m broken hearted, Cr-cr-cry but I like to party” sounds like she’s saying “Quack quack quack but I like to party,” which might be funnier than what’s written. Maybe that was its main appeal to me, I’m not sure, but that chorus kept my attention for the duration of the song’s chart run.

2. IDGAF – Dua Lipa (#3 UK, #49 US) This is the “I Will Survive” for the 2010’s. No prisoners taken, and the guilty party is totally hung out to dry. Just desserts on a platter.

1. Freaky Friday – Lil Dicky feat. Chris Brown, DJ Khaled, & Kendall Jenner (with cameo by Ed Sheeran in the video) (#1 UK, #8 US) This is the way to do dirty and make it entertaining. You listening, Kanye? And it redeemed one of my pet hates of this decade, Chris Brown, by giving him the chance to admit in an amusing way he’s been a bad boy and would like redemption. (Must have worked, as his only arrest this year was for illegally owning a Capuchin Monkey!) Like Kanye’s abysmal record, this featured a comedian, David Burd, aka Lil Dicky, but told a funny story about a bad dream where he’s in Chris Brown’s body, then later Sheeran’s. DJ Khaled merely shouts his name, then says “Why am I shouting,” and Kendall Jenner’s appearance gives the record the ultimate stupid it needed to top my personal chart.

Happy Musical Year to you all.

January 3rd, 2019



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