“When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.” So said a popular bumper sticker in the 1970’s, when the National Rifle Association was making its initial political impact. Well, in the ensuing years, guns haven’t been outlawed, but every time some nutter goes into a public place and starts shooting at random, the debate over gun control comes up again. Obviously, there’s still many flaws in the system in place, otherwise James Holmes would have not been the latest in a long string of nutcases who managed to procure a full scale arsenal. What’s slightly unusual in this case is that unlike most of the previous public mass murderers, Holmes was actually taken alive rather than killing himself.

                      The controversy will continue over stricter background checks, longer waiting periods, bans on the more lethal weapons, etc. My only contribution to the debate is this: I HATE GUNS! I hate the notion of an object that was invented with the primary, if not sole, purpose of killing and maiming another living creature. Alfred Nobel invented dynamite in 1867, but came to realize in his later years that its destructive power was not always used for the common good, so upon his death, he willed his royalties to establish the Nobel Peace Prize to give his legacy a more positive spin. Good on him for that. Owning a gun (or for that matter, dynamite!) to me is someone’s insecure concept of making up for having a small penis, as there are too many gun owners who swell with macho pride over the size of their arsenal.

                        Ah, but we need to be protected, plus it’s in the Constitution, proclaim the gun activists. The actual final wording of the Second Amendment, which was scrutinized for punctuation and capitalization as well as actual words, reads: “….a well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” It does read like the NRA is correct here, I hate to admit, and I’ve analysed it from as many liberal angles as I could think of. It’s interesting though, the words that didn’t make the cut. The right of colonists to possess arms was taken away by the British ruler James II, so it appears that the crux of the Second Amendment was to restore that right to the people. Thomas Jefferson wanted the basic statement to include “within (his) own lands or tenements,” which would allow for private homes to have them, but a little sketchy on whether you could walk around in public carrying a gun, so that part was scrapped. Another draft included the words, “but no person religiously scrupulous shall be compelled to bear arms,” which would have been a nice thought regarding people like myself, whether or not religion has anything to do with it, but maybe that one was edited out because too many thought, “Well, what idiot would want to live in these times unarmed?”

                        Ultimately, events like the latest Colorado massacre, which made the Denver area the first one to have it happen twice, are going to continue to happen, even if every weapon larger than a pea-shooter is banned. And yeah, the macho assholes with the bumper stickers were correct; if guns are outlawed, there’d be a massive underground trade that would possibly put the arms market in the same league as the other three major industries of the world, those being oil, sex, and drugs. I’d feel a lot less safe in that environment.

                          So while I disagree with virtually everything the NRA stands for, plus I thought Charlton Heston was a toothy, over-acting, right-wing, hypocritical asshole who never once fired a shot from any of his massive collection of guns, I will agree that he and that bunch of Bubbas have had the right to be and think that way. I can only say that if some intruder comes into my house, the best weapon I might have is an empty wine bottle, and if that doesn’t work, then OK, it’s been a nice life. I don’t give a shit about being that kind of hero.