The Things We Do For Love

Published by Rick on Tagged Uncategorized

Yesterday, it was my plan to meet comedian Nick Revell around 6:30 at Leytonstone Tube station to drive him and myself to a gig in Great Bardfield, Essex, that even a satnav would have had trouble finding. In the directions from the booker/emcee John Mann, it said to look for a chicane in the road, and an immediate right turn after that. Since this American had no idea what a chicane was, except for a dance music artist going by that name, getting lost seemed more than a possibility. Around 2:30, I was reminded that I needed to get gas in the car, so I set out to get that done.

From a distance, I could see the car was unlocked, and that worried me because I hadn’t driven for about 24 hours. My worries were more than justified as I got to the car and realized it had been broken into, the side window smashed, and the CD player/radio unit had been taken. Whoever did this had to be really dumb, as the thieves were stealing a unit that retailed for maybe £69, about $110, and given what they could get for it on the black market, they would be able to get at best one decent line of heroin. I do hope that whatever they scored was tainted with rat poison or something equally noxious.

More immediately, I counted my blessings that it was only the glass and CD that needed replacing, not the engine or the steering wheel or the seats or anything more crucial. It also meant change of plans for the gig, but fortunately John Mann was willing to pick me and Nick up from Bishop’s Stortford station and take us to the gig. OK, so at least I didn’t have to worry about navigating to Great Bardfield, which is near Little Bardfield, and maybe there’s a Middle-Sized Bardfield in there as well. As my old partner Ruby used to say about her home town of Colton, California, “Not the END of the world, but you can see it from there!” I know many have said it since (and maybe before), but it was from her I heard it first.

The gig itself was quite nice, the venue being called High Barn, which is exactly what it was, an 800-year-old structure which had preserved old farming tools in a museum-like display around the building. The audience was delightful, just what you would almost expect from a largely rural crowd grateful that we have come out from the big city for them, but then came that ridiculous journey home.

John could take us as far as Bishop’s Stortford, but we’d be catching a midnight train into London, getting us into Liverpool Street Station just before 1:00 am. With the tubes shut by then, it was either cab or night bus, the latter always something I vowed I’d never do. But at Liverpool Station, there was a huge line of people waiting for taxis, and a police incident was stalling traffic around there. Nick discovered a bus that was headed in his direction, so I agreed to ride it somewhere. Sure enough, any trepidation I had about night buses in London was justified by the loud and very drunk girls seated behind us. It was bad enough that every other word was fuck, but they were also going on graphically mocking one anonymous girl’s sex life, and imagining the worst about her nether regions. Need I go on? I got off the bus at the nearest opportunity, when I saw there were more taxis available.

I found a cab right away, and got home just after 2:00. So let’s assess my finances for the day: £3 to get to Liverpool Street, £13.60 for return train to Bishop’s, one pound for the night bus, and £22 for cab, plus £197.11 for glass repair (my cheapo insurance, I discovered too late, doesn’t cover glass, dammit!), that brings it to £236.71, and the gig paid £125, plus there’s still agent’s fees taken out of that, unless my agent is sympathetic to my plight. So hardly a profitable evening, and I haven’t even looked into replacing the CD/radio yet. Though I may piss and moan, I don’t expect any pity or sympathy, especially since my health wasn’t threatened or injured in any way. Plus I doubt you could find these adventures with the consistency I seem to find them in any day job!

November 29th, 2009



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