The Osmonds Wouldn’t Have Done That!

Published by Rick on Tagged Uncategorized

For starters, Justin Bieber, What a DICK!! You’ve been the designated pre-pubescent fantasy pop star for four years now, and even though you’re creeping beyond the age where a 10-year-old would be saving her virginity and wedding dress for you, for now your audience in that age bracket has remained surprisingly faithful. They’re not giving too much of a shit about whatever artistic new ground you might be treading upon in your new album, they just want to have your babies, or at least dream about that possibility. And how do you pay back these girls, who have been playing your music constantly, badgering their mums to fork out 100 or so hard-earned pounds to take them to your concert, so they can be among the 20,000 or so feeling something “down there” just from the sight of you? Showing up TWO HOURS late, leaving just enough time for the girls to see you fly onto the stage wearing bogus angel wings, depicting yourself as some vision of heaven, and maybe hear you sing ONE song before they must leave, since it’s a school night. What A Dick is the only appropriate reaction from this corner.

Good god, if you’re gonna do the diva act, don’t play it on these kids. When you’re Rihanna, then we can talk. Rihanna keeps them waiting for equally as long while she patters about, then when she’s doing her most recognisable hits, she points the mic towards the crowd and has THEM sing the song. FUCK, I thought they paid to hear HER sing them. I have no doubt Justin does the same thing, as do many current pop stars. And who started that? My guess is Chuck Berry, for I remember seeing him do that in the early 70’s, but he had the excuse that he’d already performed the songs about 20,000 times by then, and the crowds were more than willing.

But the lateness thing is inexcusable, even if there IS an excuse. Justin didn’t seem to offer one, and I just could NOT imagine teen idols of the past, or even a current act like One Direction, pulling that kind of crap. The Osmonds sure as hell didn’t do it, probably because their bedtime was about the same as their audience. To do it in London is even more irresponsible, since the main local transit, The Underground, stops running trains at about 12:30, leaving either night buses (a scary proposition for even mature adults!) or a very expensive cab ride. After all that mom and dad have spent just to give their young daughter a glimpse of what currently seems to matter, to add on additional unnecessary expense or hardship seems rude for starters.

                        My own experience with headliner lateness has come from varying sources. In one case where I was the opening act, I had to pad for time while the closer’s handlers worked overtime just to wake the asshole up from his drunken stupor enough to persuade him to go on. I remember being backstage at a Sparks concert, and nearly an hour had passed since the previous act had said its goodbyes, but the two brothers seemed to just be hanging and waiting until they decided “it was time.” The best was a mid-80’s comeback concert featuring the great Sly Stone, whose reputation for no-shows and lateness had pretty much ruined his career a decade earlier. So here he was trying to exonerate himself, but still managed to hit the stage about an hour late. Then after doing TWO songs, said to the audience “We need to take a little break (to sort things out).” Another half-hour passed, and Sly returned to do maybe five more songs. Not exactly the most eventful of comebacks.

Perhaps the rest of this week’s Justin concerts will go on time and with no further complications. Not that I have even the slightest interest in finding out firsthand. But before you start doing the “I’m a temperamental artiste” bullshit, how about giving the music world something that anyone will remember ten years from now? Madonna and Mariah Carey can keep their crowds waiting because they’ve each had about 20 #1 singles, and though they’ve both made sizable amounts of crap over the years, they’ve also made dare-I-say-it excellent recordings as well. Justin’s still got a ways to go.

March 6th, 2013



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