My Dad Continues to Defy the Odds

Published by Rick on Tagged Uncategorized

Yesterday I was informed that my aunt, my dad’s younger sister and my only direct blood relative other than him still around, passed away yesterday. I believe she was 87. In my direct family, the only other living relative is the widow of my dad’s brother. On my mom’s side, she was one of three sisters, all of whom died within a year or two of each other, and the other two were widowed as well, so the complete tally now is one living aunt and zero living uncles.

Two weeks from today my dad will turn 92, but numbers are pretty meaningless to him, as last year on his 91st birthday, he was totally sure it was his 100th. I will be out in California and will be seeing him on this “monumental” occasion, and can only guess how old he’ll claim to be. This is getting pretty monotonous, as each time I come out to the US, I see him thinking it’ll be the last time, but somehow he becomes the Energizer Bunny, with most every other part of him shutting down, yet the crucial parts keep ticking. Doesn’t matter that he sleeps about 16 hours a day, has little to say, and spends most of waking hours being pissed off at something or someone, usually the nurses. Something is keeping him alive, but it certainly isn’t his own desire doing that.

My brother and I will not even bother to tell him his sister’s gone, as he still doesn’t know his favorite cousin passed away last year. None of it will sink in, as he barely remembers being married to my mom for 59 years. No sense in volunteering that information which he likely couldn’t comprehend, and if he could it would only devastate him further. He has asked in the past few years if we ever hear from his sister, but if he asks that now, there might be an awkward situation. Then again, it’s been nearly ten years since my mom died (exact date October 9, 2005), and occasionally my dad forgets that.

Odd too that before his generation, his family wasn’t known for longevity. His dad died at age 62, his mother was about 78 when she died over 40 years ago. I can only recall the late 50’s R&B hit by Chuck Willis, who was dead by the time the song hit, ironically titled “What Am I Living For.” I’m sure that song title is one of the few coherent thoughts that goes through my dad’s head.

I often wonder if he’s being kept alive as a punishment for something he did or didn’t do. In his selective recall, he seems to be able to remember traumatic occurrences from when he served in World War II, but what he did in the last Necessary War the US was ever involved in was a “him or me” situation, and he was doing the type of warfare where the soldiers fought one on one with the enemy. He can remember those scenarios pretty vividly, but if he mumbles something, and you ask him what he just said, he truly can’t remember. Other than killing a few enemy soldiers, he didn’t seem to be any kind of continual breaker of commandments. So any retribution theory isn’t that solid.

Meanwhile, I’ll remember my aunt as sort of a female version of my dad. A bit judgmental, a bit domineering at times, but for people she respected, she’d give the world. I remember at about age 10 remarking to my dad, when we were in New York visiting that whole side of the family, how she had big boobs. My dad, in a moment of nasty and wanting to embarrass me, told her a minute later I’d said that, but her only comment was, “It’s OK Brian, I love you.” I heaved a big sigh of relief, but obviously my dad knew his sister well enough to know that what I said wouldn’t upset her. I’m relieved that I was able to see her six years ago when I went to New York, even though she lived in Florida, but she was visiting her son in New Jersey, and we got to spend some quality time together. I will certainly miss her.

September 21st, 2015



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